Size and Beauty: What Should It All Mean?

I have to admit, that sometimes, I get a little too obsessed about my physique. I’m about medium build, and in a world where I’m surrounded by images of super-thin women, I wonder whether I should be trying harder to slim down. In school, as an English major, and as a female, I’ve heard so many perspectives of what beauty should be: ignore the magazines and TV, don’t listen to others, follow what’s hot, accentuate your best features, it’s what’s inside that counts, etc…

For the most part, I try to focus on my happiness and health, but it’s frequently hard for me to avoid wanting that I don’t have: a stick-thin-figure. When I was younger, I had a hard time shopping for clothes. I stopped growing when I was about 13, and while all my friends were wearing smalls, I fit into a medium or large. In horrible denial, and I would frequently try to force myself into a small. Yuck. Those days were awkward and horrible.

As I grew older, I started seeing beauty in so many new places. I saw beautiful women of all colors, shapes, and sizes. Then, I realized that I was beautiful too… even in my size large.

So with respect to my question - “what should it mean?” – it should mean exactly what you want it to. Once you stop worrying about whether you are thinking “correctly,” you can start to feel more comfortable in your skin, whether your perspectives of beauty are complex and academic or skin deep.

I’m a perfectionist, and I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t settle with my flaws: I try to hide or get rid of them. At the same time, I don’t let me flaws get me down. I try to improve, but I focus on the strengths that will ultimately make me better. With this mindset, my confidence shines through, and I feel even more beautiful.